Anne's eulogy

Nat's eulogy

Eulogy for Tanya

Tanya, with her usual magnanimity, would have herself wanted to say thank you for making this unexpected journey today. Some of you, like me I expect, have been talking to Tanya since she died and you know how sorry she is that she wasn't there to meet us at the station - that beautiful head standing tall above the crowd - welcoming us with cups of tea and home-made cakes into her world.

Before I go any further, I wish to thank those who have cooked and shopped, walked the dogs, answered the telephone, found spare rooms and have done everything else required to prepare for this: Tanya’s last and greatest adventure. That so many of you have stepped in to fulfil Tanya’s obligations and support those who loved her is testimony to her importance in all our lives. That testimony says more about her than I can. Please, let us applaud them.

Now Tanya waits at life’s final station and we are saying goodbye for that ultimate journey, one that we will take ourselves eventually. It is only right then that Tanya, who was forever curious, a natural leader, a life teacher and spiritual pathfinder, is going ahead of us for a reccy.

It is impossible for me to summarize Tanya’s life or wholly describe her importance to me as a sister but impossible was a word that Tanya rarely used. The best of Tanya was apparent in abundance. No carefully chosen words are needed. Tanya was wholly a good person. Her dedication to her ideals was exemplary, her integrity irreproachable, her kindness unlimited. If my words cannot do her justice, her own deeds can.

Tanya made all who knew her feel special, just to her. That wasn't a technique she learned to make herself popular but was as natural and artless as Tanya herself. Tanya gave her love with such generosity that you sometimes selfishly dared not share her with anyone else, but by sharing the gift of Tanya, she enriched lives all across the world. Because Tanya was a reliable and selfless provider of unconditional love, easy sociability, great cooking and interesting entertainment, a great loss is felt everywhere.

It is tempting to call the death of a young person a tragedy but Tanya had already lived several lifetimes when the bright flame of her life force was extinguished. It would only be a tragedy if the paths she illuminated to our hearts were now forgotten.

To say I wish some things could have been different in our life together is to reject the lessons Tanya taught me. Tanya had turned disadvantages into strengths and she used her life experiences to help others. Tanya had tremendous personal courage that time and time again triumphed over adversity. In her life she grew from novice to sage, from timid to courageous, from victim to victor.

We had many great adventures; many ridiculous escapades and we shared many, many laughs. I valued her counsel, her encouragement and above all her esteem.

Tanya was an unabashed atheist yet her life would gratify any God. Tanya had a spirituality as individual as herself. Sometime, in her teenage years I reckon, Tanya discovered a faith that empowered her. She found that she alone had the power to change the universe by being nothing but her self. Setbacks only reinforced her will to make the world better. Tanya had faith that good was better than evil, light was better than darkness, knowledge better than ignorance and she believed whatever she gave the world, she would get it back tenfold. But her goodness was not there to be taken advantage of. Rather than thinking that might made right, Tanya believed that RIGHT made MIGHT.

I know that Tanya’s faith was vindicated because Tanya died with a surplus of the best things of life around her. For Tanya happiness was having what really matters: love, recognition, power, self-esteem and so ultimately she attained the grace that we all want from this life.  But to attain this, she gave it to others first.

In the last few days we have had to ask ourselves “what would Tanya have wanted?” This is easy to say as Tanya led us all by example. What Tanya would have wanted for us now is to mourn her - then celebrate her, but above all to always take whatever opportunity we can to make good from everything that happens.

With her death we realize that amongst us has lived a great spirit. Tanya has no fear of judgement in any afterworld but we who are left behind are deeply in her debt, a debt that can only be repaid by following her example. Tanya’s lesson is this: be truthful, be kind, live your life to the full, and celebrate all that you have now, for tomorrow it may be gone.

©Nat Bocking 2003

Paul's eulogy

The earth took back a piece of amber today.

Amber because Tanya’s beauty sparkled at the surface and coursed to the core of her being.

Amber because her beauty touched people she touched.

Amber because of her warmth and her strength, her clarity and her complexities.

To deny Tanya her complexities would be like serving Stilton without the blue bits.

Until I met Tanya, I used to think the best thing to do with my own imperfections was to keep them hidden – Tanya taught me to be proud of them and to use them for growth.

There were many other things that Tanya taught me too.

I used to think that things were about as good as they could be – until I met Tanya.  She taught me always to strive for more, to get the very best out of any situation.

I used to think that being a boss was easy – until I met Tanya.  She taught me that that if you take the time and find the courage to really get to know someone, you can inspire and be inspired at the same time.

I used to think that swearing in the office was unacceptable – until I met Tanya and when I confronted Tanya with this one day, without missing a beat, she told me to stop being so ridiculous and (here I paraphrase slightly) she couldn't help it anyway because of the effing Tourrettes!

I used to think that feelings should be kept under wraps, until I met Tanya – she gave me the gift of expression.

My wife Sarah and my children Michael and Anna are very sorry they can’t be here today.  All of us have been touched by Tanya’s magic.

Sarah’s most powerful memory of Tanya was at the tree abseil at Brook Farm.  Having inched her way, rung by rung, petrified to the platform at the top, Sarah was quaking and ready for any suggestion or help that would have got her out of there as quickly as possible.  Instead, what she got was a Tanya ‘special’ – an uninterrupted flow of one-way conversation on topics that ranged from the mundane to the mind-numbing: the colour of paint, the price of dog food and the relative benefits of oil and gas-fired central heating.  After several minutes and unable to take any more, Sarah said, “I think I'm ready to go now”, took hold of the abseil rope and started her descent, feeling in complete control.

It was only several weeks later that Sarah realised the extent of Tanya’s cunning and wit in getting her to make that decision for herself.

Michael and Anna both loved Tanya, whom they met through the 818 Club and, of course, at countless BBQ’s.

As for me, my memories of Tanya are countless.  Tanya as a trainee back in 1997, claiming she would never be able to stand in front of a group and talk!  Tanya striding across Crib Goch in North Wales.  Tanya on camp, lighting fires, playing games, raising spirits, constantly caring for and encouraging others and challenging herself.  Tanya in the office, asking all the awkward questions, turning over all the stones, setting the highest standards.

And most recently at my AU leaving do when it was Tanya, in full Panda suit, who jumped me on the street to pull me into my surprise party.  I had no idea anything was about to happen that evening but I knew instantly that it was Tanya in the suit - who else could it be.  Bizarrely, she put on this squeaky voice in an attempt to disguise herself – as if there was anyone else in the world that it possibly could have been!

There are many things that I’m not very good at and one of them is picking up signals about other people’s relationships.  Even I, however, could not miss the passion and devotion that Tanya held for Kim.  I hope Kim will forgive me if I read out a few words that Sarah and I sent to Kim last week:

To love and be loved is to feel the sun on both sides.  Tanya and Kim made the toastiest couple we know.

My heart, my sorrow and my sympathy go out to Kim and Diana and all of Tanya’s family.  There is also joy in my heart at the privilege of having known Tanya, if only so briefly.

For me, Tanya was way, way more than a friend –she was, and is, a way of life.  I will be doing my very best to live the rest of my life in a way that Tanya would respect and approve of.

I am thankful beyond words for the time I had with Tanya.  I will always be the richer for it.  She will never be replaced.  She will never be forgotten.

Tanya, my amber queen, I salute you.